On The Road Day 4, “I is a Carny”

The rain continued during the rest of the night and according to forecasts, was to become heavier as the day progressed. Regardless, the first day if the fair would open as scheduled. I awoke around 7 am from hunger pangs, realizing I hadn’t eaten one mouthful the entire day prior.

The fairs layout was situated encompassing the entire town of Mazzard, which consisted of 5 city blocks wide and 3 city blocks deep. The main street had local food booths lined on both sides of the street. At one end of the street stood city hall with a stage in front of it for what was to be the main entertainment stage. At the other end a huge tent had been constructed with about 50 crafters stuffed inside. The carnival rides were on the outer perimeter of the town. As I walked down the center of Main Street I headed to the only place open at this hour, besides a handful of bars (which already had patrons in them),  McDonald’s. I sat down with my breakfast and thought it strange that they offered grits on the menu. I also noticed a few other items on the menu board I never knew McDonald’s carried items like, Chicken Fried Steak and a Fried Chicken Dinner.

A little about the towns history: No longer in it’s hey day this small coal mining community was in the midst of the recession. Many closed stores along the down town and a few buildings that needed to be demolished either from neglect or a previous fire. The town ran along a river that was colored a disgusting shade of green and muddy. In the distance arose cliffs of solid rock and eroded from all of the mining and now covered in kudzu everywhere. Below the cliffs ran a railroad that still carried coal, albeit half the payload it once did. Everything from streets to stores had one of two names of what must have been either the town’s founding fathers or important historical families. It seem the rain would never let up and in this town the water run off accumulated into the main street where small rivers appeared snaking it’s way under all of the food booths.

Speaking of which the only time the town ever made national news is when the town flooded back in the ‘60’s leaving boats as the main form of transportation, oh yeah its other claim to fame was the use of its name in a TV show about two country rednecks and their trusty orange car. The fair which has been running for the past 40 years, during this time of season, also boasted a national event. The cast and crew of this hit TV series were named the Grand Marshall’s of the “big” parade that was held on the Saturday during the course of each fair.

Talking to one of the town folk I was told that a large contingent of  state troopers were heading here to watch over the “big” parade on Saturday because as he described it the KKK was scheduled to march in the parade, even though the KKK was never invited. Being from the north east I had only seen stories and pictures about these sheet heads, so to see them up front and personal was not on my top ten list.

Fair Begins: It is now ten o’clock and the fair officially opens. The rain has not let up, it could even be said it is coming down harder. I am totally amazed the steets are filled with people. Up were I am from, if it was raining out forget about going outside. These people are thriving in it! I guess being older and perhaps from a good word by Karla. I am the  manager of 7 game booths, even thou I have never did anything remotely like this before. But really how hard can watching over these booths be? As long as I get someone working in each one and make sure to let them know I am watching. I am sure as can be, all the money being taken is not going to the place all the time.

Gary pulls me aside and tells me that no one handling the cash in the booth is allowed to have any personal money on them. I am to check them anytime they leave the booth. I guess this is their loss prevention strategy, but I don’t think it a successful one. I also know I will run into resistance if I need to go through everyones pockets , 50 times a day.

I am struck by the fact most of the town people, the poor town people, are coming up to the booths with nothing but $50 and $100 bills. I have never seen so many in my life. I later learn this is truly the only thing that happens here in Mazzard all year and people have been looking forward to this 5 day event all year long.

As for the large denominations of cash, I also find out this is the largest weed growing area on the south east part of the US. As the coal mines kept shutting down, new ways to make money took root. This time of year is when the “harvest” comes in. Oh boy, just what I want to hear after spending a night in the slammer for pot. It is becoming more evident the life of being a Carny, is not only very hard, but pretty much strips you of many your  core beliefs and truths. Anyway, I guess pot growers, dealers and the like, are used to dealing with large bills. The one absolute astounding thing that is happening to me, is the fact that no matter where I look, there are incredibly gorgeous girls, women everywhere. I am in shock, that most of them are on the arm of, well, a damn butt ugly guy, with little hair, bulging bellies, few teeth and have no idea what personal hygiene is. Can this be true? Either these guys are swimming in cash, or there is literally more women then men here and god was smiling on the womens side. Although it can’t be an easy thing to have live with these butt ugly hillbillies.

(JOKE ALERT) What do you call a family in Mazzard, KY?   Answer A full set of teeth.

I also notice many of the young women are pushing baby carriages. There must be something in the drinking water here. Notice: to all men looking to get  married. Come down here to south east Kentucky and be treated like a king and have many choices of beautiful chick’s. One word of caution though, as the women get older, they become a bit changed. They believe in lots of hair spray, caked on make up, and the southern drawl gets more pronounced and of course like anywhere in the US,  they control the money honey. The rest of the day, goes by fairly slowly. The rain keeps all of us carnies under cover from getting wet. And the main activity we have in common is watching the same people walk back and forth, from one end of the street back to the other. Walking in the rain and each time passing eating a different local delicacy, like, a huge turkey leg, or a 3 foot tall frozen drink. First Night: Tired from standing all day underneath an awning, cold from being wet and bored from the lack of doing anything physically or mentally challenging, I decide it’s time to take a break and perhaps head over to the corn dog trailer and grab a hot coffee to take the chill off and to see a friendly face, probably the only face I have come to respect, that of course being Karla. I stand in line to get my cup of coffee and hear people talking about next weeks big event in the neighboring town, called the “Chicken Festival”. Oh golly gee a festival devoted to foul, I mean can it get any better then that?

I reach the order window and ask for a large coffee. I see a face that is unfamiliar to me and when she brings it to me I am charged $3.50 again. I explain to her I am with the show and she looked at me like I had three eyes. I just reached in my wet pocket and pull out one of the last bills I had, give it to her and waited for change. (hell if I am giving her a tip). Walking back to my little awning next to one of the games, I see many people all walking with a sense of purpose, yet I know better. They are simply walking to the end of the street and turning around.

These bots of Mazzard, are like the swallows of Capistrano. This must be their inbred mentality, there eyes glassed over and not one of them sport a smile. This is going to be a long 5 days, at least I have the Big Parade to look forward to. Not to mention a bunch of middle aged white men with sheets on their heads and burning crosses. My mind drifts in a semi day dream state, remembering every inch of my soft bed at home, wishing I was somehow transported there.

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Posted by Glenn on Sep 22 2009 Filed under TRAVEL. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry