5 Vicious Ways To Get Back At Your Cheating Girlfriend
Today we have a brand new guest blogger I like to introduce to all of youl. His name is Adam Garratt from Blokebuddy.com. Adam comes from us from all the way “across the pond” as they say and resides in Great Britain. As you will probably tell from some of the use of his British speak.
Adam not only is one of our commenter’s here at MOB but as you can see he is also a blogger himself. His blog is a men’s blog with a bit of a more shall I say twisted sense of humor and also I would rate it least an R. Meaning: ADULTS ONLY. Those of you with sensitive eyes please be forewarned. I also like to mention these are his views as are all of our guest bloggers.
All guest bloggers are their own viewpoints and not Man Over Boards views, nor do we suggest we endorse views depicted from any of our guest bloggers. But we love to see other points a view from all over the world and welcome guest bloggers from all species of human forms.
With that being said, I want to thank Adam for giving up his time and talents to allow MOB a chance to get a sense of what Blokebuddy.com offers and hope you get the chance to visit Adam at his blog.
I have had my heart broken so many times in the past, I have been cheated on more than once, I have been rejected and even spat at by the fairer sex. Now I don’t protest for one minute that us guys are saints sent from heaven and we can be just as bad, as I’m sure your all aware, but what do you do if your girl cheats on you? Most of us lose our temper, hit someone, go down to the pub and cry, right? Well today I’m going to tell you some of the most vicious and cruel ways to get revenge on a girlfriend that has cheated on you.
Don’t take it lying down! Man up and take revenge! OK so I am presuming that you have undoubted proof your girl is cheating on you, she doesn’t know you know and your looking for a cool way to ditch her. Well then this post is for you, so sit back, read up, and get inspired by my twisted and deranged thoughts on how to get back at her, enjoy.
1. Use her phone
One of the most effective weapons in your arsenal is to use her mobile phone. Now you obviously need to do this when she is preoccupied, but when she is, grab her phone and send this text to her mother, and make it look like it was meant for her secret lover.
”Hey, [your name] is off out tonight with his stupid pals, I was wondering if you fancied coming over tonight? I really miss you and have been wet for you all fucking day! I want you to lick my butt hole like you did the other night, [your name] has never done that to me before but I love it! text me when you can, laters.xxx‘
The crucial part after sending this text is to delete all traces of you sending it, remove it from the sent box etc, that way she will have no idea it was sent it, until her mum kicks off, the best part is she will never confront you for fear of blowing her cover!
2. Swap her diet drinks for crash weight gain supplements
Go down to your nearest health food store and pick up some weight gain powder, the sort of stuff gym nuts use to put on weight, it normally has whey protein in it, this stuff has some rather detrimental effects on women. Simply empty half of her weight loss drinks powder in the bin and replace with the weight gain powder, and watch her balloon up like a fucking sperm whale in the next month!, then turn and say she’s fat and your leaving her…..pure class.
3. Send her a letter
Send her a well constructed fake letter from an STD clinic stating that the guy she is currently banging is HIV positive and that she needs to contact them as soon as possible. The number you put on the letter is actually your mate with a recorder. He pretends to be a doctor, records the sensitive conversation about HIV and her sexual practices with this man, then sends the recording to her dad. Make sure your mate asks loads of questions like ‘so how many times have you had sex?’ and ‘has he ever ejaculated in your mouth?’
4. Pretend your dead
The late and great comedian Andy Kaufman did it fantastically well by pretending to die of cancer for 3 years before coming back. The key here is to be convincing in a short space of time because your not going to want to disappear for 3 years are you? First, write a hand written letter that you have found out about her cheating on you and that your devastated and can’t cope anymore. Make it really believable, tell her your going to jump in front of a train. Get hold of some pillows and some old clothes and make guy Fawkes style model of yourself, take it down to your nearest train track and throw it over at a high point. It needs to be far enough away for her to not realise it’s a dummy. When she gets there she will see ‘you’ dead on a train track and be completely mortified. Sick I know, but if your worried about it, you can always jump out the bushes nearby and shout ‘surprise! your dumped!’
5. Sleep with her relatives
This may be more of a challenge than the other suggestions, simply because they are obviously going to be loyal to her, and reluctant to betray a loved one. But there are ways around this, pick one of her closest family members, perhaps her sister or an aunt, whatever, and just turn up at there door one day sobbing your heart out because you found out she’s cheating. Play the sensitive part and say you had no one else to turn to you, that you could trust. Make her believe her relative is a complete bitch by saying she has hit you as well as cheated on you. Really make out your devastated, and then subtly move in and just jokingly say to her “it’s stupid really, but I actually fancied you, and it’s only because I thought you were too good for me that I didn’t ask you out”. This will hopefully seal the deal and you will be bed jumping with her all night! Oh and don’t forget to take photos of her when she’s asleep to send to your cheating bitch of a girlfriend.
Conclusion: Well guys I hope I have given you some inspiration here, and that you will now go out and take some vindictive revenge on her, and don’t feel guilty about it either because at the end of the day, does she feel guilty about sleeping with the gym instructor? No of course not. Take care guys and I hope you found this post as fun as I did writing it!”
Thanks to Adam and Blokebuddy
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Short URL: http://man-over-board.com/?p=4117
Posted by Adam Garratt
on Jan 21 2010 Filed under FUNNY, OPPOSITE SEX.
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Bwahahahahaha. These are some good ones indeed. I don't cheat so I've nothing to worry about here. Serves her right if you ask me. Excellent, well written and a very entertaining post.
Have a terrific day. Big hug to Glenn.
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You have to tell me how you know when I put up a new post. It's like you have ESP. But I love it, you're always the first one there, unless of course your yachting
BIG HUGS back at ya
Thanks buddy, I really enjoyed writing that one, not all my posts are as graohic as that lol, I do actually have some serious stuff on there too lol, but I do like to make people laugh. thats what makes me tick. glad you liked the post despite the fact it has quite a few grammatical errors lol, then again i did write this post at midnight hehe, take care.
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Adam everybody needs a good laugh. It is the best medicine a doctor can prescribe. Besides why would we be born with a funny bone?
Where is She? Then maybe post will be helpful.
Tricky tips there but very interesting post.
I guess I'm not that evil to this kind of revenge but who knows
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That is very funny. And like the sleep with relatives the best. Those should all work but I wouldn't know. Never had that problem.
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Hehe thanks Marg, unfortunately I have had that problem and it's not nice I can tell you, and I think I speak for every man when I say 'if it's ok for a woman to cut up your suits and scratch your car when you cheat then it's ok for us to get revenge too' glad you liked them Marg take care.
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Oh my lord, this has me laughing! What a very sick and devious mind you have, Sir! I guess she deserves everything you have so cunningly suggested.
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I wish I had known some of these tactics when I was still married to the ex I think these would work just as well on a man as they would on a woman. Revenge can be so amusing sometimes
Oh yeah totally just as good on a man, except the crash weight gain powder one, that one wouldnt do much lol.
My recent post Cold Bed? Get A ‘Human’ Bed Warmer
Very funny! I can offer some funny ideas too as to how to get back at a cheating ex-wife…first, you can give her half the house, your retirement fund, the car etc, then you can write a huge check to her every month because that's what the state says you have to do – yea…that'll show her! Wait a minute….
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haha yeah very true, we have to do that here in the UK too! its robbery i tell ya
My recent post Cold Bed? Get A ‘Human’ Bed Warmer
I like guest posts, especially when you have a great poster like yourself who answers everyones response, awesome!!
And your point is? That sounds hilarious, wait a minute. You sound just like me WTF
These are all great…I read a post once from a guy whose girl dumped him once they got to college. He called her constantly but she was very uncaring and mean spirited. So, to prove to him that it was "really over" she sent a photo of herself giving her "new guy" a blow job.
The dejected boyfriend forwarded the pic to her parents with a note. "Having a blast and meeting lots of great people. Please send more cash."
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That is really nasty, why would she do that, the poor guy was devasted and to top it she sends him a pic of her doing that, man I would go nuts!
My recent post Cold Bed? Get A ‘Human’ Bed Warmer
Love can turn people into very vicious animals. Think after 15 years of divorce I can finally let me ex have the hand cuff keys I kept from her.
Life is funnier then what writers put in the movies
Is there anyway I can use this against a man? He he
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Yeah sure you could use most of it, for a man I would recommend the text message one, cos that woudl really piss a man off trust me lol
My recent post Cold Bed? Get A ‘Human’ Bed Warmer
I believe Adams post is gender neutral. So they look effective regardless of body parts.
The text message was awesome. Loved it.
BTW, are you sure that Andy Kaufman came back from the dead?
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Honestly Todd I remember him doing a stunt, but thought it was for only a few days. I was rushed last night, long story and had to do up a quick post and thought this would be fun and also to get me back in a good mood and it did. At the bottom of the post are the three sites I got most of the questions from. There were so many to choose from I tried to pick 50 that were the best. There must have been well over 1000. I think Stephen Wright has 1000 himself.
Okay first of all I chuckled my way through this article. It was a great way to start my morning. And let me add a personal favorite on to this list: have your girlfriend catching you cheating with a much uglier woman. She will start to question what would make you want to sleep with an uglier woman, and then start to question her own beauty too. If she calls you on it, you can just tell her that she can't give you what this other woman can.
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LOL, I think all us men could come up with a few good ones of our own Joe. Adam who wrote the article has many funny ones at his blog, everyone should check him out. By the way your blog is absolutely beautifully well done, you do a great job there and have a new reader in me. I urge others to stop by there also here is the link http://biascuts.com
haha! ooh that was a good one, wish i thought of that one, that would really mess with her head for sure! nice one
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Interesting one my friend. I'll keep this in mind it may come in handy. It flip me out. No kiddin'. It really is one hell of a vicious way of a pay back time.
Now I know what to do on this tactics. LOL
Ha, we try our best here and even though this was not an article we wrote, you can blame that on Adam over at Bloke Buddy. We laughed at it along with everyone else. While it is funny, there are actually some truths to it when you really think about it during the time you are breaking up. The mind does weird things during duress.
5 Vicious Ways To Get Back At Your Cheating Girlfriend ~ http://bit.ly/7rGDzS Ha Ha LOL
Good job not knowing the difference between your and you’re.
In Britain we use your not you’re
Love the doctor call about a sexual HIV It’s a awesome idea.