Breakup Recovery: Prevail in the First 72 Hours
She dumped you. And now you’re contemplating a patriot’s death, hurling yourself onto your own sword — except you don’t own a sword, and your Swiss army knife would merely leave you maimed. Plus, you’re plagued by irrational thoughts about unfinished business (read: unreturned DVDs) and an afterlife of embarrassment (read: your adult comics stash).
Sure, a girl can curl up with a Bridget Jones’s Diary marathon and a quart of Chunky Monkey after a breakup. But what are you supposed to do?
Triumph, that’s what. Because that’s what you do. Here’s how:
1. Get some sleep.
The z’s are the first thing that go: You lie in bed, thrashing around, dreaming up coulda/shoulda/woulda scenarios. The next morning, you feel tortured, tired and lonely.
But like it does for many other conditions, sleep can help spur the recovery process, so you want to make sure you get your share. Here’s how:
- Tire yourself out as much as you can during the day.
- Resist the urge to pull down the shades and sleep indefinitely (or you’ll find yourself up all night watching “Tool Academy” reruns and kitchen appliance infomercials).
- Can’t stop your brain when you finally lie down? Try safe, natural homeopathy Coffea, a sleep aid.
- If all else fails, a little pharma help might be the way to go: If the over-the-counter stuff leaves you groggy and sedated, beg your doc for just three or four days’ worth of prescription sleep medication. That way, for at least eight of the day’s 24 hours, you won’t be writhing in emotional pain.
2. Get a baby sitter.
If you hit the town, have a strong, dedicated wingman who won’t let you out of his sight and will make sure you don’t get in a fight or end up crying on the shoulder of some girls you just met on the waiting line for the bathroom.
3. Lose her data.
Think ahead and take steps to ensure that in a moment of weakness (when you are tired, sad, lonely or any other of the 500 variations), you can’t write or call her and leave a message that will get you arrested or humiliated for the rest of your life. Delete her digits and email address(es) from all binary and tree-product storage (and make sure to hit those places you used to hide things from yourself).
4. Resist revenge.
You’re itching to call her co-worker who flirted shamelessly with you at your ex’s last Christmas party. But be the bigger man. This “pool of prohibited women” includes her younger sister, her MILF-y stepmom, her buxom neighbor … you get the point.
5. Avoid music.
Don’t avoid all music — just John Jackson, Lionel Richie, Celine Dion and Frank Sinatra … all that sappy easy listening you indulge in when no one else is around. You know, the songs that include messages about “being nothing without you” and “If you don’t come back, I’ll die.” In fact, temporarily delete all such songs/albums/playlists from your iPod and stick with Metallica- and Kid Rock-type fare at all times. Swing music or a cappella will do in a pinch.
6. Launch you 2.0
OK, so you’ve done all the above to control the damage. So what do you do now?
First, join a dating Web site ASAP. There are, like, millions of single girls out there. So when you hear yourself start whimpering that she was the only one, get off your pity pot and cruise over to match.com.
And finally, hit the gym … with a vengeance. Funnel all that breakup angst into a Herculean upper body workout. After all, there’s nothing more therapeutic than looking strong and lean and confident to get other girls to notice you, pump up your ego and — when you finally run into her — get this ex to start doubting her judgment for giving the boot to a hunk like you.
But by then, of course, it will be too late, since you will have already moved on.
Belisa Vranich is a clinical psychologist, author and public speaker specializing in relationships and sex. She is also the sexpert at Fox News (both online and on cable).
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I think a quart of chunky monkey sounds like a better plan, I’m so glad I’m not a guy….lol
Looks like good advice to me. Works for us girls too. Well most of it does.
Have a terrific day Glenn. Big hugs.
as per experience…ces, it is normal that broken-hearted people goes through 4 stages after a break up:
1. tears and pain
2. anger
3. moving on
4. finally AT PEACE (feeling nothing anymore)
your advice surely are ways to possibly help you along the way…but the best for me is keeping myself busy loving God because with Him there is assurance that there will be a wonderful surprise after
I think that works for both men and women. But like all advice, it only works if you take it!
Great advice – My advice (from experience) don’t stalk the ex – if she doesn’t want to be with you she doesn’t want to be with you (why would you want to even think about someone who doesn’t want to be around you?) Like you said Glenn, there are thousands of single girls out there.
Pumpkin pie and cool whip works for me. You know what really works and is fun as well? Reconnect with all those friends that dropped by the way during your relationship. You know there are some. You liked them but the “other” didn’t care for them, Mhmm. Call all of them.
Glenn, I know you’re right and I’m wrong but I kind of like the revenge idea. I say get drunk and have sex with as many of her friends as possible. Most importantly is to have sex with everyone and anyone she’s ever loved. Start with her friends, then her sisters, then her mom that’s been giving you that look anyway. Now, not to be gay, but maybe even throw some lipstick and a wig on her dad and skull f*ck him also while calling out her name.
To all the ladies out there reading Glenn’s blog, I’m just kidding.
It’s been so long since a break up, I have no idea what I used to do. I think Doritos and coffee icecream.
So stalking would be wrong? Then definitely drugs and alcohol. A little retail therapy is good, too, but that’s probably just for us ladies.
Breakups are really hard. I’m sure a lot of people get bummed by it for a long time so it is good that there are ways to get over it quicker.
Frank Sinatra Fly me to the moon haha
I think a huge part of overcoming a breakup is through understanding that it is not just about you. For a person to actually reject a relationship…they too have had some ugly feelings about where they are at and it is not an easy feet to be the one to break up a relationship.
No one likes to feel rejected and that is a definite rejection in its own form.
Being able to respect that things just are not what the other person wants or needs in his or her life is a key to being able to not fall victim to the poor me blahs.
Life is like that…that is why we dwell on the goodness not the badness because truly there are just some things we cannot change no matter how many tears we shed~